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I am what I want, I want what I am

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Hey there! I’ve been observing something over the years, and it’s something that many of us experience. If we can’t find a way to access fulfillment from within ourselves, our longings can turn into addictions. It’s like we’re always craving more—more money, more sex, more mind-altering substances, more followers, more love. We’re constantly seeking external things to fill that internal void. It has become a global-wide intimacy disorder.

I really resonate with how Marc Gafny refers to this dynamic as “pseudo eros.” It’s an addiction to being outside of the intimacy of this very moment, caught in a trance of hope and the fantasy of fulfillment. We tend to place our hopes of fulfillment on things like finding the perfect partner, making our first million, getting that book contract, retiring, or even changing our physical appearance. We’re constantly chasing after that elusive sense of fulfillment, always pushing it further into the future and avoiding the intimacy and power that we have to create, right now. This is pseudo eros. We try to convince ourselves to be satisfied with this dynamic. But we never will be.

This whole dynamic just keeps us stuck on an endless hamster wheel, spinning around in the cycle of distraction, dissatisfaction, disappointment, deprivation, and depletion—the dreaded 5 D’s or what in Buddhism is referred to as Samsara or suffering. And what’s even worse, it disconnects us from our true values, robbing our lives of meaning and leaving us with a deep sense of homesickness.

But here’s the thing: true fulfillment, my friend, only exists within you. It’s what lies beneath all longings. It’s what I call true eros—the genuine essence that’s encoded in our cells, the original memory of wholeness. True eros is that indescribable feeling of being at home within the love that permeates life. It’s the eros of nourishment, beauty, belonging, and what connects us to our most intimate purpose in being alive.

Believe it or not, there’s a remarkable intelligence to this design. It’s not a mistake. You see, if we could truly find lasting fulfillment in external people, experiences, or states in a sustainable way, we would become attached to our object of projection. We would attempt to park all of our longings inside of this person, place, state, ideology or thing. We wouldn’t have the drive to grow and evolve anymore because we’d think we’ve finally arrived. 

But here is irony number one: we would be at war on some level with our object of projection, because deep down we would know that we were not free, this attachment would only continue the cycle of bondage.  

And here’s irony number two: when we do discover that true fulfillment within ourselves, it’s like finding the holy grail we’ve been searching for all along. IT IS an arrival, a completion, a true landing. Let me share with you one of my favorite quotes from Adyashanti: “I AM what I want, and I want what I AM.” It sums up this quest and what is at the core of this true design. Yet, this fulfillment is just the beginning—the foundation from which real life begins to unfold.

Core Embodiment is such a path, designed to bring you home to the ineffable truth of who you are. Once we are actually here, in the core of who you are, it’s as if you become a target for your soul to lead the way. You are no longer so vulnerable to being hooked by cultural conditioning. No longer available to the poisons of comparison and competition. No longer identified with your trauma as a problem to solve. You are on your path now, to the beat of the drum of your own hearts. Available to be an emissary for the divine to work through you in service to something greater than your own survival. 

This is my passion. To contribute to the evolution of our species moving beyond merely surviving, to the discovery of what it truly means to thrive.

As T.S. Eliot beautifully put it, “We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, remembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.

So, my friend, remember that true fulfillment lies within you. It’s a journey worth embarking on—a journey that leads us back to where we started, but this time with an awakened perspective. If you would like some company, please take my hand. There is no greater honor for me than to walk with you, as you discover your own unique way home. 

Please feel free to take me up on a free 30 min Breakthrough to Flow Discovery session so we can explore what would truly support you at this time. 

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